Karma? Dilemma?

That awkward moment when you see that your ex boyfriend is happy, and you become happy that he is happy, because you have hurt him before. A lot. He cried for you, you broke his heart. And you felt guilty. Not only because you have hurt him, but also you have broken your promises. After 8 months, you see that he is in a relationship with a beautiful girl, holding hands, looking happy. Exactly what you have been needing for a long time. You smile, because you held his hands before, kissed him more than her probably; shared your house, your room, your heart, your soul, more than she did. You even get a little jealous; not because he is "taken" now, but that happiness is exactly what you need right now. You need your hands to be held as well, you need to feel that a man is thinking about you at the exact moment you are thinking about him. You want to be taken to the movie theaters, restaurants, you want to dance with him until you can't feel your legs, and make love until you can't feel like you're yourself anymore, because that's how close you get with him...

You smile, wake up from your dream because you know it is not going to happen for another period of time. Now let him be happy, as happy as he was with you before; all those years spent together, they weren't for nothing, you made him grow up. You did a good thing, Ely. Even though now you are the one who's stuck with useless, stupid men that only want you for your "flesh" and you fall for them because that is how lonely you are at the moment...

"If you find yourself struggling with loneliness, you are not alone. And yet you are alone, so very alone."